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MOTHERING AND THE FEMALE STRESS SYNDROME: MANAGING MOTHERHOOD

What to do when a mother is burned-out blue? What to do when she feels taken for granted, tired, unappreciated, and unattractive? What to do if that mother is you?

Begin by reexamining your role honestly. List the advantages of motherhood for you. Perhaps it is nurturing, perhaps feeling needed, perhaps being in control, perhaps being an authority figure, perhaps shaping decisions, perhaps being in the center of a family, or perhaps enjoying children's activities yourself. As your sense of choice about motherhood increases, stress stimulated by resentment will decrease.

Then reexamine your expectations for yourself as a mother. Are you realistic? How closely do your priorities match your routines? Which of these elements needs adjusting? (Often this is not an easy question to answer, so give it a lot of thought.)

In addition, every mother must become her own sympathetic permission-giver. Do you usually feel that you must be overworked and overtired before you let yourself rest? Do you feel that you have to justify time off to your husband, your mother-in-law, and the rest of the world? Was your hospital stay after the birth of your last child your last morning in bed? Why?

Mothers who wait to be rescued by others become disappointed, angry, and stressed: disappointed because any rescue that does come will probably not be well timed; angry because they have given a great deal of power to others; stressed because they must continually show the world that they need rescuing. Mothers who feel entitled to rest, relaxation, and realistic expectations can give themselves the permission they need to avoid the Female Stress Syndrome. They can be good to themselves. They can appreciate attention and considerateness from others as important extras, rather than as too little, too late.

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